Lots has happened since the last post-
I’ve found out that Luke is breech after having an ultrasound because I measuring 1 1/2-2 weeks ahead for months. In the u/s, he was “frank breech” which means he is butt down, head up, and his little legs are straight up by his head. After doing some reading, I’ve found this is the best type of breech baby to deliver, but alas, my doctor doesn’t want that and has scheduled me for a c-section. There are risks with the baby’s oxygen supply if I try to delivery regularly. Earlier this week I was very sad about having to have a c-section, but I’ve come to realize that it’s not just about what I want, but it’s about having him come here completely healthy without stress. It’s just that I’ve often heard about c-section happy docs who resort to c-sections and not letting the mothers labor. But bottomline is that my doctor is responsible for my health and the baby’s health. He’s not responsible for meeting my emotional needs in this laboring experience. And if he believes that a c-section will keep Luke safer, then that’s what has to happen and I need to “get glad” about it.
So I had this appointment on Thursday of last week and was told I was on his schedule for TUESDAY. 6 days. And now here we are, Monday. One day left…less than 24 hours and I’ll be looking at my son. I can’t tell you the emotions that come over me when I think about it. Literally, every emotion I can feel I’ve felt. Scared, happy, nervous, excited, anxious…just to name a few. On Friday I was showering and was thinking about the entire experience- what it would be like while I’m laid out on the table- what it would be like to hear his first cries, and having Jason there with me to experience it all. I cried. In the shower. So yes, there are still a ton of hormones running through this body.
Friday was my last day of work- that was weird. I felt like I was quitting my job. People were coming and saying goodbye. Some of them all teary-eyed. I couldn’t bring myself to cry- it was like I was still in work mode and I just knew there was still so much to do before I was ready to go. I really think the time will fly by while I’m off. I know I’ll be back there in no time.
I spent the weekend cleaning off and on- trying to prepare the house for us to come home to. I’ll finish doing some of that stuff today- well, all of it, I guess. I just know I can’t come home to a messy house. I’ll probably freak out!
So here I sit on the couch this morning- trying to find something decent on TV to watch (and being unsuccessful at that)- thinking about how different things will be in just a matter of hours. And while I’m scared out of my wits about the procedure, I can’t wait to hold this little baby in my arms and look at his face, arms, legs, belly, butt, tiny toes, and little fingers.